


What Was It

by glaciesdraco



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Bickering, Established Relationship, I'm so sorry, M/M, Toilet humor, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glaciesdraco/pseuds/glaciesdraco
Summary: Prompt:“Did you seriously just get your foot stuck in a toilet?”“Maybe.”They will be switching rooms.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	What Was It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justmysicklypride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmysicklypride/gifts).



“It stinks.” Shizuo complained. Izaya continued typing on his laptop from his comfortable spot on the bed. Shizuo, who had been stomping around in the bathroom for the last fifteen minutes, kept repeating the same thing.

“Then maybe you should have gone a little easier in there. I didn’t realize you had such irritable bowel Shizu-chan.”

“I don’t! It’s gotta be something wrong with the septic tank, or… or something snuck in here and died!”

Izaya smirked to himself. Was he serious? He kept typing though, keeping any comments to himself.

“UGH! Why does it stink so much?!”

“Just spray something and get out of the bathroom.” Izaya chided him, furrowing his brows because Shizuo was getting so upset over nothing.

“Why the hell can’t this fancy place afford a septic tank that doesn’t fuck shit up, huh? What the hell?!”

This “fancy place” which they were staying at was a hotel, and a rather nice one in the city. Izaya could see a very nice view from their window, which also doubled as an outdoor porch. Izaya personally wasn’t worried about the smelly bathroom, or at least not while he still didn’t need to use it, but the fact that Shizuo was getting so worked up about it could quickly become a problem.

“Maybe it’s clogged from the last guest. We can call housekeeping for when we’re eating dinner.” Izaya suggested.

“Ugh, but I have to go now!”

“Then go.”

“I can’t do that!” Shizuo looked positively appalled.

Izaya narrowed his eyes at him. “Sure you can. You just go and she’ll unclog it later. Unless… does Shizu-chan have to go number 2?”

“Shut up you bastard!” Shizuo snapped. “Would you really be okay with going on top of some other guy’s shit?”

“So this is some weird pride thing?” Izaya asked, unimpressed.

“No! It’s just gross!”

“Ugh, just let me call housekeeping.” Izaya sighed, closing his laptop with a huge amount of exasperation and scooting towards the phone.

“I found a plunger under the sink!” Shizuo called. Izaya felt an odd pit of anxiety in his stomach.

“Why don’t you just leave it to the professionals Shizu-chan?” Izaya suggested and he quickly got on the phone with the front desk to let them know the issue.

In the meantime he heard Shizuo in the bathroom, cursing and making loud splashing noises that Izaya was sure could not be a good sign. When he hung up the phone, he finally worked up the courage to follow the other in there. Even as he approached the door, he got a whiff of the smell Shizuo was talking about. He almost decided to abandon Shizuo to his frustration, but he didn’t want the other destroying the bathroom. He creaked open the door just in time to see Shizuo stomping his foot into the toilet, followed by a loud snap, and a strange suction cup noise.

Izaya stared blankly at the scene in front of him with utmost disbelief.

“Did you just… get your foot stuck in the toilet?” Izaya asked lightly, but there was no mistaking it. The broken toilet plunger handle lay on the floor. Shizuo, who was soaked at this point in toilet water glared back at him with a mixture of frustration and insanity.

“Maybe.” He said, grinning like a mad man. He scowled when Izaya pinched his fingers to his nose.

“You are,” Izaya gritted out, “Without a doubt, the dumbest fucking person I have ever met.”

“Shut up! I didn’t see you doing anything!”

“I told you I was calling housekeeping!”

“Why didn’t you do that sooner?” he demanded.

“Do you really have to shit so badly that you would abandon all of your pride and actually stomp a man’s shit down the toilet?” Izaya spat at him.

“I wasn’t! The plunger wasn’t working so I thought I’d give it a little push!”

“A _little_ push?” Izaya spat back at him louder. “Nothing about any of your pushes are _little_. Aside from your brain that is!”

“Stop calling me stupid!!” Shizuo bellowed, jostling around the toilet, and Izaya could hear the parts of the toilet that connected to the floor start to creak. Izaya quickly calmed down.

“Housekeeping is going to be here in a few minutes, but I doubt they know how to deal with a destroyed toilet so try to relax a bit and get out of there before the arrive unless you want to look like an idiot.”

Shizuo seethed, but he folded his arms because he knew Izaya was right. He huffed a big breath, audibly counting to a hundred under his breath. Izaya looked at him skeptically.

“We don’t exactly have a lot of time?”

“Shut UP! I know already.” He studied the toilet with an intense expression on his face, so much so to the point Izaya wanted to laugh at him. “Okay. You’re going to have to help me.”

“Come again? You’re the strongest man in Ikebukuro, quite possibly the strongest freak of nature on the planet, and you’re afraid you won’t be able to maneuver out of a toilet?”

“I’m scared I’ll break it, _asshole_. I need you to help me pull it out.”

“Are you kidding me? _You_ act like a complete moron and now I have to get soaked in poo water too?” Izaya demanded. “I hate you.”

“Stop being so dramatic. I don’t think it’s shit.”

“What else could that smell possibly be?!” Izaya demanded.

“Shut up and do it already!”

Izaya visibly cringed. He frowned, and slowly approached the toilet, looking into the bowl to see the angle at which Shizuo’s leg was stuck in there and felt the deep urge to strangle him once again. With great hesitation, he wrapped an arm around Shizuo’s leg and wrapped another around the bottom of his shin, pushing Shizuo’s leg into a straight angle so he could maneuver out easier. Izaya’s stomach flipped at the smell. Not to mention the fact that Shizuo’s pants were _soaked._ Inside his head all he could think about was how he planned to get his revenge.

“Alright when I say pull, pull. But _don’t_ ,” and Izaya spoke in a vehement hiss, making eye contact with him, “Pull hard enough to fling shit everywhere. Got it?”

“Yeah yeah, just shut up and let’s do it already.”

“Alright,” Izaya muttered. He gagged as the smell wafted into his nose once again and he had to tuck his face into his shirt to hide for a second before recovering. “One, two, THREE!”

There was a sharp tug, and Izaya went backpedaling into the bathroom sink, hitting his back and gasping. Shizuo managed to pull free and fall backwards into the bathtub. Izaya recovered enough to look up and saw the toilet which was now littered with dark mystery water. On his person, he could smell where ample amount of it had landed on him as well.

_I am not about to be sick, I am not about to be sick,_ he thought warily, straightening up before rushing to the desecrated toilet and puking profusely.

“Oy! You okay?” Shizuo called.

Izaya straightened his back, wiping his mouth and turning to glare openly at Shizuo.

“We’re changing rooms.” He said flatly.

Shizuo could see the murderous glint in Izaya’s eyes and with all the breath knocked out of him, he was unable to return that amount of rage.

“Oh-Okay… yeah, but um. Izaya?”

“What?” Izaya asked tiredly as he pulled off his ruined socks with such dejection.

“I _really_ have to use the bathroom now, so can we hurry?”

**Author's Note:**

> LMAO Holi I'll never forgive you


End file.
